The Sherlock Guide to the Perfect Christmas

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Naturally for such an extraordinary man, Sherlock has some highly unconventional Christmases – the likes of which we have seen in ‘A Scandal in Belgravia’ and ‘His Last Vow.’ Some tender yuletide moments may occur – like Sherlock kissing Molly on the cheek or John and Mary reuniting – but it is mostly all death and mystery (not to mention misery) at Christmastime for the CSI Baker Street crew. If you find your holiday is lacking something, then follow these five steps and you too can have a Sherlock-style perfect Christmas!

 

1. Insult your guests

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The first step to take if you want a Sherlock-style Christmas is to remember to not treat your visiting friends and family with the traditional festive cheer but instead try to ruin their day at every turn. For instance, why not get the name of your best friend’s girlfriend wrong or tell another that his wife is sleeping with a P.E teacher? And whatever you do, don’t forget to criticise someone’s giftwrapping, their dress sense and their physical features in general!

 

2. Visit the morgue

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There’s nowhere more Christmassy than a morgue, right? To do Christmas the Sherlock way, forget the wholesome present-giving and instead visit your local morgue – feel free to take a member of your family with you – where you can ponder the nature of mortality and your own personal flaws. Go on try it, it’s fun!

 

3. Bring your drug dealer protegé to Christmas dinner

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If you must do Christmas dinner, then make sure you don’t turn up alone – bring your drug-dealing protegé along for the festivities too! It doesn’t matter that he’s a bit sinister and seemingly can’t wait for you to die so he can take your job, he’ll liven up the occasion by always saying the wrong thing and making your family feel uncomfortable. It will definitely make it a meal to remember!

 

4. Slip away early to trade state secrets

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Your protegé will also be handy for drugging your family and friends so that you may slip away quietly to meet up with a criminal mastermind and give him some super-secret government secrets stolen from your brother’s laptop. Nothing says Christmas like selling out your country!

 

5. Murder a master blackmailer

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And finally, to top off your Sherlock Christmas, you don’t have to put a star on top of the tree you simply have to shoot a master blackmailer who has been threatening your best friend and his wife. To do it in the proper festive spirit, you should probably wish them a ‘merry Christmas’ before putting a bullet in their brain.

The holiday season is all about being selfless and giving to others so this is actually the most Christmassy thing you could do.

 

Merry Christmas, Sherlock fans!

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